Catering 4 U
posted by Barter Books @ 10:46am, Sunday 7 September 2008.
What qualifications did Stuart and I have for entering into the catering business?
None.
We don't even like to cook. (Look, we can cook enough to keep us alive, always convenient. Also, Stuart can open a bottle of champagne without making it pop.)
Did that stop us?
No.
Should it have?
Possibly. All right, probably. We don’t know yet. Our little Station Buffet only opened just under two months ago. The jury is still out.
The evidence so far?
So far so good. Bearing in mind we have done no advertising at all (we’re basically hopeless at it) other than put up two sandwich boards - one outside by the front door and the other one way down the Main Hall beside the entrance to the Buffet. For all that, Stuart reckons we are at least on track.
Which means what?
It means that we may be doing well enough in our High Season (basically, Easter to Michaelmas1 to balance out the losses we’ll inevitably have in our much longer Low Season (Michaelmas to Easter). If so, that would mean that the Buffet would be a goer; we could cover the additional overheads (two short-order cooks, not just one, plus occasional staff help) and still write in the black side of the ledger, which is all (or almost all) we ask in this world. It also means that we have learned quite a bit, fast.
Like what?
That if we thought we didn’t know anything about the catering business when we began, we were right.
For example, we didn’t even think about having our basic supplies delivered to us; we were getting them ourselves until somebody asked us what on earth we were doing going to Cash n’ Carry all the time.
For example, we had no idea you had to have, by law, umpteen sinks in a kitchen, including one to wash your hands in after you’ve used that other one just in case that other one had am escapee germ in it.
What else we’ve learned: that if we don’t know anything about the catering business, we’re not too proud to ask people who do. Which doesn’t mean we always listen. Like, to that man, seriously rich, someone whose own catering business was a mere hobby, etc, who had a look at our Buffet before it opened, shook his head, Too small, he said, should be in the big front room. And he was probably right, too. But did we listen? No. We liked it way back there in the back, this little cubby hole, tucked away. (OK, we’re mavericks. Move over McCain-Palin.)
That we were right – well, we think we were right - to keep the menu as simple as possible, you can have this, this, this or that, not whole pages' worth. But what we have good, seriously good - soup, hot and cold sandwiches, best ingredients, fresh bread – and with everything, as much as possible, home-made.
That it’s no good trying to second-guess what everyone else would like on the menu, go for what you’d like. Which works perfectly because, hello, you’re everyone else.
Not that we don’t keep revising the menu all the time. Because what else we’ve learned is that some things we thought would sell, haven’t. And some things we thought wouldn’t, have.
For example, however popular all the lattes and the cappuccinos, the americanos and the macchiatos (whatever, quite, they are), the British, as a whole, want tea. WE WANT TEA WE WANT TEA WE WANT TEA. And by tea they don’t really mean a cuppa2 either. They want a cup and saucer (forget a mug). They want the pot. And then another pot, this one with nothing in it but hot water so they can have a second cup of tea that isn’t too strong. And a little jug of milk. Plus a little bowl of sugar. In short, while what Americans mean by a cup of tea is just that, a cup of tea, what the British mean by a cup of tea is a whole shooting match. With the ideal accompaniment to all this being scones3.(To give you some idea how much they, tea and scones, go together in the British mind, think coffee and donuts and you’re there.)
What else? that bacon butties4 are more popular than sausage sarnies5 but that you forget the humble cheese toastie6 at your peril.
That in High Season we need a lot of staff for a little Buffet, at least two full-time cooks and one person seconded from the staff to handle the drinks and the till. All of which means raised overheads we hadn’t counted on. (Will we be able to handle that? We don’t know yet. Stuart says basically depends on how well the Low Season goes, if the takings for the year as a whole balance out.)
That we’ve possibly got a lot of adjusting to do in terms of opening hours. Which have so far been all over the place. What we can’t do is keep the Buffet open too late, as the Buffet staff are responsible for keeping the Buffet clean. Which means we’ve got to close it by 4pm to give the staff a chance to do the cleaning and leave before overtime kicks in. So, for now, this minute, the Buffet sign reads: ‘Open 10-4 (hot food 10 – 3)’.
What else? That all these bacon sandwiches are going to kill me if I don’t quit eating them myself. And don’t even mention those chocolate cupcakes, killers. (Pace Withnail7 we warn people on the blackboard: ‘the finest chocolate cupcakes known to humanity’; they are, too.)
That book people, by and large, are nice. Well, we’ve always known that. They are nice, there’s just something about them. Still, there are always the exceptions (that baby throwing around orange juice, if only I could have thrown it right straight back) and we had visions of the sort of mess those exceptions would make. Meaning more staff time to clean up. But, so far at least, that hasn’t happened. Without even any signs asking people to bus their food, lots of them actually do that. See the need, help out.
That It must be terrifying going into the catering business where the catering bit stands alone, no bookshop to help out.
That even with all the encouraging signs, Felix, for one, remains worried. He’s been through all this already with his own café, now history. He says it doesn’t matter how well we do, we’ll never make anything given the awful margins in the restaurant business and the fact that it’s looking like we’ll need three staff, forget it, he says, close it down, now, yesterday.
But, true to form, we’re not listening. Anyway, not yet. As we see it, we don’t have to make anything, not really. What we do have to do is just break even, that’s all. Because if the odd extra person hangs around long enough to buy the odd extra book, great!
What else Felix doesn’t understand is that from the time we opened the shop, my own driving force (beyond the tiny desire to avoid bankruptcy) has been to create what I, myself, want.
And I’d want a little café.
“One decaff skinny latte, please, and the best chocolate cupcake known to humanity.”
And then take them and my book off to a corner, sit there among other people, in little groups or alone, but everyone together and not together all at once.
Bliss.
1. Michaelmas: St Michael’s Feast Day, September 29th. Also the name of the first term in the academic year in ancient universities in the UK and Ireland. (Warning: the use of this term will earn you a few points but at the expense of even more blank stares.) So why don’t I just say ‘September 29th’ and be done with it? Because I like that little connection with the Middle Ages, that’s why. It’s what comes from growing up in a small farming town near the Mississippi, you think that kind of connection is amazing.
2. A cuppa =s a cup of. (You hear ‘cuppa’ constantly.)
3. Scones. The Brits love them. The generally come in three varieties: plain, fruit (ie, with raisins added to the dough), or cheese. They are essential ingredients in a ‘full-English tea’ when they come with incredibly thick cream that you layer on the scone with a knife, along with strawberry or raspberry jam. But more usually, the scone (plain or fruit) comes just with butter and jam. Personally, I’m not a fan. Maybe if they come hot straight out of the oven but name me any bread that isn’t wonderful when it’s hot and comes straight out of the oven. Otherwise, to me, they’re too big, too heavy, cowpats.
4. Butties: northern slang for ‘sandwich’ named after the Earl of.
5. Sarnies: southern slang for ‘sandwich’, also named after the above Earl. (And who exactly was the Earl of Sandwich? Allow me to quote Wikipedia on the name 'sandwich': ‘It was named after John Montagu, 4th Earl of Sandwich, an 18th-century English aristocrat, although he was neither the inventor nor sustainer of the food. It is said that Lord Sandwich was fond of this form of food because it allowed him to continue playing cards, particularly cribbage, while eating without getting his cards greasy from eating meat with his bare hands.’
6. Cheese toastie (UK) =s grilled cheese sandwich (USA)
7. Withnail: quote comes from wonderful cult movie, Withnail & I, in which the Withnail character (Richard E Grant) calls for ‘the finest wine known to humanity’.
Comments
As a New Yorker in Britain this post has me in stitches - sooo true!
Keep up the good work
Fil
<a href="http://www.southcatering.co.uk">South Catering</a>
Filter Parkes - 6:01pm, Monday 23 March 2009.
I do like they way you couldn't and didn't want to cook in the beginning ...classic. But well done now!
Andy
<a href="http://www.doncastercatering.co.uk">Doncaster Catering</a>
Andy - 7:43pm, Friday 8 May 2009.
So true!!!
James
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I enjoyed reading this. Hilarious.
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